The stereotype of geeks as lifelong virgins is not entirely accurate. Although there are many geeks who will never know the touch of another person unless they require CPR in the Burger King some day, most geeks are able to find romance and sex, usually with the same hit ratio as everyone else. The romantic prospects of a geek are not limited by his geekdom, they’re limited by the usual factors of attractiveness, personality, and hygiene.

The population of geeks is no longer all-male; great strides have been made towards introducing women to the stock, even if the geek world still largely hates and fears women. Fortunately for geeks there are enough women with either low enough — or high enough — self-esteem to bravely walk among and mate with them, the former in leather and lingerie, which is somehow empowering.

When geeks have sex, they do it loudly, which is not to say that they make a lot of noise during the process, but that they make a lot of noise after the process. A geek that has had sexual congress must make sure the world is aware of this fact and will therefore mention his or her sexual adventures often. It seems that nobody believes the myth of geek chastity more than geeks themselves and thus they feel they must demonstrate to others how that certainly doesn’t apply to them.

For geek men, advertising their prowess in making it to third starbase and beyond comes in both the usual form of just plain not shutting up about it and the geek-specific form of wearing a t-shirt about it. In addition to “crazy” and “evil” geeks will advertise their “perversity” through obligatory black t-shirts with white writing on them. Those geek women wishing to prove that they “do it” also have some t-shirt options, as well as dressing like prostitutes/comics characters at conventions.

As indicated above, geeks never are content to declare that they merely have sex. Since they must always remain outsiders, ever freaking the mundanes, their sex must be advertised as being preternaturally kinky. Whips and chains are often referenced, as well as animals. What this all means is that at some point in the bedroom one of them was maybe blindfolded or perhaps had their wrists tied with an old cub scout neckerchief.

Despite its prevalence among geeks, having sex is one way they can prove themselves to be alpha geeks, much closer to being one of the normal people that they supposedly resent. And that’s why geeks LOVE sex.


2 Responses

  1. I find that geek girls are way worse about this than geek guys. Most geek guys I know are happy to keep their sex quiet and normal. The girls though? Freaky and loud.

  2. And what about the geek guys and girls who declare themselves asexual because they’re bitter husks of human beings who long ago realized they’ll never find love in this lifetime? Unless those are the lifelong virgins of which you speak?

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