Starfucking

In normal slang, a “starfucker” is, essentially a groupie, one who seeks attention (usually sexual) from famous people in the belief that such attention will validate their own existence. For geeks, everything is the same except that sex usually isn’t involved.

The line between professionals and fans in the geek world is very fine. Geek creators often hang out in the same spaces as the fans, leaving comments on the same message boards, replying on the same blogs, and being a part of Facebook and Twitter. Geeks are proud of this relationship, using it as evidence that these creators are really “down to earth” and “in tune with the fans”. It must be remembered, however, that any relationships with geeks in it cannot help but be parasitic, since geeks are incapable of giving anything in return. The creator may intend to foster a positive relationship with the fans, but the fans will gradually drain him completely dry and then complain that he’s no longer providing adequate sustenance.

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It's just you, Neil, and those 32,000 lesser beings.

In the meantime, however, the geeks will eat up the fact that a Real Life Creator is actually hanging out with them! They will do whatever they can to curry favor with the creator, laughing maniacally at his jokes, shoehorning into any discussion he’s involved in, and shouting down those who are being insufficiently adoring. They’ll be sure to mention early and often about how they were talking to The Big-Name Creator just the other day, yet seldom mention that it was in the context of a message board post or blog comment that the creator may or may not have read.

For the geek, the fact that a big name professional such as comics writer Kurt Busiek accepts their “friend request” on Facebook cements the fact that Busiek truly is friends with him. And if Kurt actually comments on the geek’s Facebook page, then they just became blood brothers.

It doesn’t matter that the newsgroup, blog, message board, Twitter, or Facebook page is publicly available to anyone who wants to post to it, as far as the geek is concerned, it’s a private meeting place for him and his colleague, the geek icon. Though there may be others in orbit around the icon, the geek knows that really the icon is there to listen to him and him alone.

Of course, in the case of the rock and roll groupie, the rock star has no idea who she is and no memory of their encounter. The groupie, on the other hand, is certain that there was a deep and lasting connection made. This is the same in the case of the geek. He may be regaling others with tales of how he cracked Terry Pratchett up on the Discworld newsgroup, but it’s doubtful that Terry Pratchett will even recognize the geek’s name (or, more likely, online handle) when the inevitable harassment charges need to be filed because Pratchett slapped the fan in the face by having the character of Lu-Tze act in a manner the geek thinks he wouldn’t.

The next best thing to being a bright star is simply reflecting the light of one, so geeks LOVE Starfucking!

7 Responses

  1. I would comment on this, but I have to go and keep refreshing my Twitter because I’m sure that Keira Knightley is going to reply to my very important and personal @keira any minute now.

  2. I once shook hands with Larry Storch (email address withheld by request).

  3. You could have also just posted any number of Harry Knowles reviews to cement your point.

  4. So…did I tell you about the time that Beau Smith commented on my blog? It’s true! We’re probably going skiing next weekend.

  5. I ate dinner with Janis Siegel, and the next time we met she had no idea who I was.

  6. Because I am apparently hopelessly asinine, I didn’t actually realize what “Starfucker” meant until I read the first paragraph of this article. I don’t know why, but for some reason whenever I read the word or heard my friends talking about the band, I always thought it meant somebody who…um…had sex with…actual stars. As in, say, the sun. Which, as you can imagine, was a rather disgusting and also horrifying image. Also, pretty stupid.

    But then, I’ve always been pretty dense about innuendo. For some reason, I never made the connection between the song title “Head for Backstage Pass” and oral sex until somebody actually pointed it out to me. So…yeah. Anyway, thanks for the sleazy slang lesson!

    In other news:
    “. . . any relationships with geeks in it cannot help but be parasitic, since geeks are incapable of giving anything in return.”
    Really? REALLY? I really want to agree with you on all these topics but then you keep throwing in these random insulting generalizations. Why do you keep doing this? Why do you keep overreaching your arguments by saying that ALL geeks are scum, instead of a reasonable number?

  7. Probably because to be a geek is to be scum. If you aren’t obsessive, parasitic, socially awkward, etc. then you just aren’t geeky enough to wear the moniker.

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